i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
