I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
