I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
