I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
