I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
