Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
