I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
