the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Even my vagina gasped.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I need to align my fucking chakras
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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