friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
