Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
