What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
