dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
