Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
