i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
