I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
