last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
