My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
