when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she peed on how many people?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
