I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
