I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
