Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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