Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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