this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
