If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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