Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
