Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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