Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
