my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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