My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Found your dick twin last night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
