And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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