Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
