just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
