Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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