That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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