she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have already put on my inside pants.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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