I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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