I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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