What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
