My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
its liver damage thursday
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
