If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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