Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The air was thick with penises
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
