I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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