This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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