I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
