i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
