I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
