it was like his penis was on wheels.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
