Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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