My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
operation harelip BJ is a go
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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