I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize