His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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