do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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