I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
