why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
