well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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