nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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