First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
