she smelled like a LAN party
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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