i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize