oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
