She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
