apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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