We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
