I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
