The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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