You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
