Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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