I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
