i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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