Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
this just has baby written all over it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
