He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
