I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
