I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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