What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
These tits shall not be calmed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
