Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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