tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
