I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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