I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
