mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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