woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
