he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Shame is for Republicans.
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