You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
