we're chasing vodka with high fives
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize