Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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