i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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