eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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