I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
